I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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