you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
