I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize