____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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