He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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