I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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