Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
