I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
