Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
