Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
