piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize