she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
