Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
