How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
