Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
