After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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