I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
