My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
