I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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