True but thats because hes a fetus.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize