He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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