She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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