dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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