Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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