he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
