i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
