and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
