Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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