bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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