K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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