it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am one with the molecules
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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