is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
