I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
