I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize