First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
