just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize