as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
