bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
