He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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