i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
