i just sent this text using only my big toe
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
