cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
