My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
