GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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