dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Green mimosas i think yes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
