Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
