BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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