Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
