Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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