If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My ass is underappreciated
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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