you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
