Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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