so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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