We won't sleep together?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
