Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
