Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
