I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
