Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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