It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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