Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
PANTIES FOUND
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