Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
