and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
