dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
