Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize