There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
