i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We got so high we made milksteak
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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