Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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