im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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