Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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