In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize