I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
