So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
