He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
