omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
