Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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