His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
