WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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