i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I die, sorry about rent.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
