I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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