Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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