I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
