Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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