i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am naked and annoyed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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