I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
