I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
