I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
