hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
