fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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