dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
