My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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