whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize