I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
