i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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