A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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