Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
