It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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