we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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