So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
