It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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