i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
