He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
