well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize