i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
