I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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