i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
