Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
