having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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