My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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