i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize